Painful Past rears its Ugly HEAD

hmm... this post is a reminecense of the stupid life i had back in sec school... something happened recently which many only could have seen in my sec school life... i thought i had put it behind me... but...
it has something to do with obsession... really... there was this girl that i was obsessing over in sec 1... it lasted 3 damn years... yeah it did... but you see... nearing the end of sec 1 she got attached... to my best freind no less... it hurt... but i din stop... during that time... i lost my best friend... to a damn obsession... FUCK... karma has a way of turning things around... haha... thats why i always try to keep my feelings under wraps... substitute my feelings with over confidence... haha.. but i got over it... ironically it was through i speech i gave to the school... in sec 4... we had a competition... it was called PESA... Plain English Speaking Awards... 2 phases of competition... a preplanned speech first and the an impromtu one... so the preplanned speech could have been any topic i wanted.. anything... i could not decide... so my teacher picked for me... she picked obsession... yeah... that speech made me realize what a fool i had been... Obsession... as defined by the merriam-webster dictionary is a persistant disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonble idea or feeling... but thats not it... not only this... the impromtu speech for everyone... was... TRUST...
i thought.. wow... this feels wierd.. granted i did not win the competition... i gained something i never thought i could... an understanding... i guess i thought i understood myself... staying away helped me cope with who i am... but suddenly things changed...
lotsa girls thought i was not good enough to be their friend... i was left out of a lot of things... in MI... i was accepted... and i was happy... i AM happy... but i made sure it did not go out of hand... as i said i stayed away... but then... nothing could have prepared me for the freinds i made in SC... the people... who accpeted me the most.. the people i regarded as family... but.. i got burned.. once.. now twice.. one person i thought i was close with ... was not... i was exploited.... haiz... i realized thing never change... but i still kept the obsession at bay... then... i met this girl... wow... she treated better than anyone has in years... i... i was happy... yeah... then when she had problem... i went overboard... i did... overeacted.. got obsessed... BUT.. she... she told me... that i was being overly concerned... that it freaked her out... i realise i had gone back to who i was... so stupid... i am so stupid... haiz...at the same time... an issue on trust came about... flashback ain't it...
i really don' want to lose her friendship over this matted... no i don't... and definitely not her trust... i had a hard lesson before and it destroyed a relationship with my close friend... i definitely dun want that now... not anymore... so... i have to say this... now...
I AM SORRY... I REALLY AM... Please... Believe Me...